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Every Little While

November 25, 2008

Every little while in life something comes along to point you in the right direction, confirm your ambitions, inspire a laugh from deep within your belly, and generally reset your internal scale back to the side of peace and joy. Every little while there’s a new face in the mirror, a new you looking back at you, into your own eyes with a hint of knowing. Every little while there’s the looking down to really explore the foundation that your whole life is based upon.

There’s you. And then if you’re super lucky, there’s your spouse right there with you. And then if you’re really, super lucky, there’s your kid and/or kids and/or kids-to-be. I’m beyond that kind of lucky, but that is exactly where I am at and what I have. It dawns on you at the quietest times – the early mornings, the late nights, walking the dog. All your life, you think you’re standing there with your own two feet planted firmly on the ground, choosing where to step next and just going about your life. But then you look down and notice that foundation. It’s not what you thought it was at all. It is not a cold ground filling with snow. Instead, it is two incredibly happy, genuine, real kids who tell you they love you more than you deserve to hear, and there with them in that foundation is the woman who takes on every challenge right there by your side and refuses to ever let you down. And inside her belly is a growing, moving, pushing, kicking little mystery of the greatest kind…is it another girl or another boy? (Who is in there??) You see the whole picture, the whole foundation down under your feet, holding you to the land stronger than gravity, and another level of skin has been peeled back in the mirror to reveal your self one step closer to the real you, the true you.

That’s what it is all about, right? Finding out who you are and why you are and where you are and figuring out how to make it all work in synch with each other so that you can sleep at night without a staggering pulse. True for me at least. And more important than any other definition, I am a father and a husband. So in finding out who I am and all that, the real question is not about me but about who I am raising and about with whom I am raising a family. What started as a high school crush, a little love note maybe, turned quickly into a full-fledged poem, and then over time into a short story, and somehow that story turned naturally into a novella, and then one day you look at the word count, the page count and the chapters and the characters and story lines going on and you realize it has not only become a novel but an epic novel and one of the great ones of all time at that. This incredible little secret epic love story that unfolded right in front of us, though hidden behind the curtain of time and the within the confines of our own understanding, is the real deal. I always wanted to be a writer. The closer I look at my foundation, the closer I look at me, the more I understand I am a writer although part of what I’m writing is just too damn good for writing down. It is for simply living and finding comfort within. So it is my life.

My story is not my own. It is my family’s story. My foundation is not my own. It is my family’s foundation. All of which are beyond whatever I could have ever dreamed or imagined.

Every little while in life there is brilliance and understanding. And love. And a holiday to give you a reason to think about all this stuff. I am just so thankful for my wife and kids who continue to be the “every little while” inspirations for me every single day. Thank you.


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