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Daddy 3.0

January 14, 2009

We are now just 32 days out from the due date of baby #3.  Big Sister T and Big Brother F have been unreasonably patient and by that I mean, it seems unreasonable to tell 5 and 3 year old kids about their new baby brother or sister in the summer when the baby’s not due until around Valentine’s Day, but we did and they have been incredibly understanding this entire time. And while they have been certainly excited and have had a LOT of questions, they seem to understand the timing of this great thing is out of our hands and it will happen when it happens. I wish I could be so cool about it.

This will be my third child and that is quite a large deal to grip with my small mind. I will be Daddy to another kid. The love and connections and every-special-little-thing shared between my two kids and I have been the most meaniful things in my life since I married my wife 6 years ago or since we started dating 15 years ago. And to understand that we are adding to that overriding definition of ME yet another life, another mouth, another two eyes, another heart, another laugh, another smile, another ten fingers and toes, another distinct cry, another being, is both a daunting feeling but also one that is unquestionably the biggest step in my life to date. More real responsibility. More Daddyness required. Daddy 3.0.

What’s most special for me, for my own personal growth during this time, has been to be able to watch and actually feel the hole open in my closely-guarded reserve of love to make room for this new one. With a beautiful wife and two amazing superstar kids who all shower you with love daily, it is easy to feel stuffed and totally full of love. Then during Father’s Day weekend, you learn about the New Baby.

I think my initial anxiety about the little questions and details like bedrooms and expenses and daycare and carseats at first clouded my vision and so I didn’t notice it so easily as before with my first two kids, but over the past few months, and especially the past few weeks, and now every day, I can feel the baby moving inside her belly, it reacts and moves to my voice, and it seems to actually dance when the kids are talking right into the belly…well, you can’t miss noticing the hole that has been created and the space that has opened in that closely-guarded reserve of love, all ready to welcome this new gift to our world, to our life – now with a place in my heart all it’s own.

It is amazing to be aware of that transition.

I find it brilliant how there is no limit to the amount of love one person can share. In the end, it is endless, like space or time or music. There’s just no way to cap it off. It appears to only move in one direction, which is the direction that is growth.

Ah, yes. Feelin’ the love.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Betsy permalink
    January 15, 2009 12:05 am

    Patrick,

    Many of your posts have brought tears to my eyes. You have an amazing way with words! This post is amazing! It is so great to read how you are feeling and seeing your heart opening up to welcome this new little one! So amazing. We can’t wait to hear all about the new little one in 32 days!!

    Love you guys!
    Betsy

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